Oh Jonathan, this is the second night in my appartement and I can't tell you how painful it is. Why am I here and you are not? Why can't I fall asleep next to you and wake up in your arms? Before I came to the States I left everything the same way it was when you were here. The little Princessbag with all your gifts and Supermanstuff is still on my desk and it hurts so bad just to look at it. I know they say that you have to keep memories alive...but how can you do that knowing that your life will never be the same again? HOW??? During the day you have to function but at night you cry yourself to sleep. No homie, don't tell me to be strong because I can't. Everyday I realize a little bit more what I lost and everyday my heart brakes more. No one can give me answers to my questions. When you asked me to marry you (I loved the Barbadosidea) I told you to be patient...what is one year of waiting compared to a lifetime of being happily together. Well, little did I know. All I know is how much my heart wants you back and that my soul feels so incomplete without you and your love. I miss you with all my heart...with all the broken pieces that are left. I will always love you.