December 25th 2005 This was our first christmas together and we were looking forward to many many christmas holidays together. I never forget how excited you were the morning when you came to see me. We watched movies, cuddled on the couch all day, ate all the food I cooked and where just happy to spend every minute together. We both tried not to think about tomorrow and as we got sad we decided to go iceskating. We enjoyed the day and promised each other to always be happy together. The next day you had to go for a long time and you told me that next christmas would be ours. Schatzi, it wasn't ours. Never was-never will be. This christmas was supposed to be our christmas with Mom and Dad. You wanted me to meet your family and we both were so excited about that. We made plans to surprise them and I already knew what my christmas gift would be. Babe I met them...without you. I met some wonderful people...without you by my side. You know whats funny? I know so many people how can say that they don't regret anything in life. But I can't say that. When you called me in the middle of September this year, shortly before I came to the States, you told me that you don't have to go away again, you said that you can stay and you said...come and get me princess, you are my future and the time is right for us... I should have jumped in the plane right away and gave you want you wanted, gave me what I wanted and gave us our future. I regret that I didn't do it. I regret that I have to be without you and without your love in 2008. I always thought that it would make you happy to be back in the states but you told me that you feel incomplete. That's the way I feel since you are not here anymore. I feel incomplete without you homie. Life doesn't go on witout you in my life and especially today on January 1st I realize that I have to life the next 365 days without you...till another year starts. I will always be YOUR persian princess and...I still don't know how to live without you *** I love you Handsome Homie ***